How abortion violates a man’s core responsibilities
How abortion wounds a man’s self-identity!
The other victim of abortion's aftermath!
Steve Harvey said this men, as he discussed his book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” Harvey reveals what men really think about love, relationships and commitment:
It has been so rewarding to hear people talk about the content of the book in all walks of life. I was very careful in constructing this book to make sure it had no color to it and that is the beautiful thing.
I am talking about a subject I am an absolute expert on and that is manhood. I am not an expert on women. I don’t know a man who is, but I am an expert on manhood.
We all think the same no matter what. I don’t care how much we make, what we do for a living, what our religion is or what color we are. It doesn’t matter, men think the same.”
See the full article: http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/steve-harvey-act-like-a-lady-think-like-a-man/
As God created man in his image, he gave him several key responsibilities to go along with his role as “man”.
Will Meek, PhD. is a licensed psychologist in Oregon who uses the following three themes to describe the psychological male gender roles:
1. Strength: emotional toughness, courage, self-reliance, rationality
2. Honor: duty, loyalty, responsibility, integrity, selflessness, compassion, generativity
3. Action: competitiveness, ambition, risk-taking, agency, volition
Men have since creation been the hunter/gatherer, the strong one and the protector of the weaker vessels (women and children).
Because of his strength, he yearns for honor and respect. Men are by their nature competitive, driven, problem solvers. Everything they do is about conquering it, mastering it, making it work.
But men also have cultural expectations place upon them that define in yet, other ways.
Our culture expects men to both be Mr. Performer (good in bed, successful in business, financially successful) and one that brings pleasure both to himself and to others.
When talked about in contemporary society, a man’s overall success (in his mind) is tied to his prowness and ability to perform in bed. What is not limited to sexual activity.
Performance encompasses man’s ability to perform in various aspects of life. Job performance is often primary to defining a man’s success — the income it generates, the social standing it provides and the attained admiration of his peers.
Successful performance in the social arena secures friendships and helps a man achieve his desire for pleasure. The airways are filled with Viagra ads and Men’s Health Network ads inviting men to become better performers.
The desire of men is to enjoy pleasure extends far beyond the need for just sexual satisfaction, achievement and fulfillment.
Sex is by God’s design a pleasure-giving experience, no doubt. (*This is why so many unmarried men and men, boys and girls have sex – It is pleasurable)
Ideally, Mr. Pleasure encompasses the deeper pleasures of having children, watching them grow, learning with them along the way and watching them becoming independent and productive citizens in their own right.
Men also seek the pleasure of a life-mate, a wife who will provide companionship through the ups and downs along the way.
A man needs to feel respected to feel that a level of accomplishment and pleasure that comes from being honored.
There is a reality that to the degree a man understands the culture’s expectation, he will seek pleasure at the expense of others. Only when he becomes spiritually aware of his God-given role and responsibilities will he care about the pleasures of others.
Early in the after abortion recovery movement, Ken Freeman, Warren Williams, a pastor from Philidelpha, Bruce Mulligan and men from Houston, held a Men’s Think Tank meeting to define what men need in recovery.
From that a number of books, booklets, workbooks and models were written based on the THREE KEY “P’s”: the responsibilities and roles that God engineered into the men at creation.
God-given instinctual RESPONSIBILITIES assigned to men:
Perhaps the most important role a man is his desire to procreate. Men provide the essential role in the continuation of the human race.
It is common for a man to values the idea of having offspring of his own flesh and blood — carrying on the family name or bloodline.
A man delivers upwards of a billion little sperm into his mate and that act of sex leaves the man feeling he has done his job.
It has been said, “A man’s reproductive cycle ends as a woman’s cycle begins.” Once a woman conceives, his world begins to change.
When she gives birth, a man’s priority shifts from procreation to providing for the mother and the new offspring he has fathered. He instinctively knows that this new family will look to him for many of the day-to-day necessities.
In his mind it is important that he succeeds in providing for them. This is when he becomes Mr. Provider.
When a man procreates, he instinctively has been given the capacity to be the hunter/provider. A man by nature wants to be the provider to his wife and children.
God has designed man to be the provider and charged him to work or not eat.
As a provider, this drives both his work-ethic and his fear of failure. As Mr. Provider, he is to be the bread winner, the hunter/gatherer.
Like providing for his family, man is highly programmed to protect his family.
During his child’s lifetime there will be many dangers to continually guard against — the threats of illness or injury, making wise decisions and knowing when to say no to a myriad of tempting offers throughout life.
The need for a man to protect his offspring should not be underestimated.
When a man is a partner or cause of or reason for an abortion, his action violates his basic manliness and all of these factors given by God.
When he fails to perform both in bed or at work or in the relationship with his wife, he feels a failure. When he feels a failure, he does not feel pleasure.
When he fails to procreate, (when a baby he has fathered is aborted) he feels emasculated like less than a real man.
By failing to protect, he feels like a coward. By failing to be strong and provide for her needs, he feels weak and helpless to help her.
When you think of the fact that most men are raised by an absent or broken relationship with their own father, it makes sense why many many fail when pregnancy occurs.
If he as a man has been designed for 1) strength 2) honor 3) action, then it stands to reason that when he fails at these things it results in:
1. Weakness: emotional fragility, excessive fear, dependence, irrationality
2. Ambivalence: unreliability, irresponsibility, being non-committal
3. Inactivity: lethargy, submissiveness, complacency
This will lead to the shut down of a man which will result in what is termed “Hypermasculinity”:
1. Coldness: stoicism, relational cutoff, fearlessness
2. Sociopathy: vanity, arrogance, manipulation, selfishness, lack of conscience
3. Hostility: violence, life endangering risks, hyper-aggression
This is where many men are in their psychological make up. When their God-given roles were damaged because of the abortion, many men feel emasculated.
They feel they are no longer a leader.
Thus, the wounded man may find it difficult to make decisions. It is common to see that wounded man take the passive side of the relationship and the wife then has to step up to the plate to handle major decisions.
The wounded man will self-sabotage his own job, thinking that he deserved to be fired. He often sabotages the marriage relationship. His only allowed emotion, anger, is his only outlet for expressing his feelings. Thus, his family, his children, his wife, all suffer the rage and anger that spews out like a flood.
A failure to contribute in one or more of the manly imperatives is considered shameful, even if this failure is due to a disability or circumstance outside the man’s control.
But a man can mitigate this shame if he seeks to find other ways to pull his own weight by striving for greater excellence in the charges in which he can contribute. For example, a frail man might still strengthen his tribe by developing technological innovations.
An infertile man might work to become a mighty warrior or a matchless hunter. However he can, a man tries not to be a burden to others.
The greatest shame and scorn is reserved for a man who can’t, or won’t, strive in the pursuits of manhood – and doesn’t care either. He may denigrate the ideals of masculinity, indifference to the importance of a manly reputation, or attempt to move the goal posts on manhood to better match his own personal aptitudes and proclivities.
The Bible says a man is to be subjected to “Honored” or “respected.”
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
As we know, submission to anyone or anything thing is extending to that person or thing respect and honor. Sadly in a wounded man’s life, as he sees himself guilty and a failure it will color his life with timidity and insecurity. He doesn’t want to fail again so he doesn’t try. It affects his work, his family, everything he puts his hands to..
A man with abortion in his history often lives with unspoken shame and guilt and feelings of failure. He sees himself as unrespectable, shameful, and guilty in the same way an abortion impacted woman see herself as “damaged goods.” Thus, if he can’t get respect at work or in his own home, he must be a failure.
A “KEY” element of a man’s recovery is to boost his respect by giving him respect at every encounter.
If he comes to recovery with a broken marriage or relationship, it is likely that he is not getting respect at home. Often women who are forced to take the lead in home decisions begin to resent the failed leadership of the man.
Therefore, its important that every encounter with your center’s male leader, must be one of boosting and increasing respect he hears aimed at him.
As a male leader of recovery, your role is to submit to him meaning you allow him to respond to your questions and leadership even extending to him the right to not agree or to fail to do his homework.
It means you put on “submission and respect” in everything you say and do for him and with him in recovery.
Think about this: Jesus in dealing with his twelve followers spoke to them often with parables and questions.
He told stories they could relate to. He did not pompously stand above them and speak theological Christian-ezz pounding the Bible into them like nails.
He respected their manhood and grew closer to them by respecting their trade, their work, their business by telling stories they could grasp in their own perspectives.
He asked them questions that made them think. This is the core tactic any male leader of recovery should follow and emulate.
Additional reading: http://www.psychologyofmen.org/male-gender-role/